2018 – it’s all about the ‘resolution’. We all have them – the changes we’ve been putting off for months, the self-improvements we’ve been waiting to make, the fears and challenges we’ve been wanting to conquer. New Years is an excuse to start fresh; a clean slate.
As I sit here on my last few days of holiday gazing out the window at the dreary weather and the rain, I realise it reflects the mood I’ve been in since 2018 began. I can only describe it as a state of unrest. Running usually helps my mood, but the anxiety reared it’s head mid-run yesterday and made it hard to breathe. Whilst trying to pinpoint what it is that’s making me feel this way, one thing is for sure – something needs to change.
I feel like a rat on a treadmill – get up, go to work, work out, diet, pay the bills (with nothing left over), drink too much, feel hungover, do it all again. I thought maybe it was just me feeling this way, but when I spoke to all of my girlfriends they told me they’ve been feeling the same. One friend hates her job, another is sick of the pointless dating game, one is tired of the superficiality that surrounds and (to some degree) dictates us. Someone suggested it’s the full moon and maybe it will pass in a week, but I think it’s more than that.
Being a smart, single woman at 29 is hard. Not only do you overthink everything, you always want to be better. The expectations the world puts on you don’t make it any easier: “how’s your love life?” “Do you want kids?” “Where are you going with your career?” “You’re looking thinner/bigger.” “Do you botox?”….. endless. These questions are insensitive and boring. Regardless, they’ll never stop.
NY Resolution 1: Detach myself from other people’s opinions and bullshit. What ‘they’ think really doesn’t matter. It sounds cliche, but once you realise that external judgements mean nothing, your anxiety levels must surely plummet.
Maybe it’s my age – 29. My boss suggested it is the ‘period of Saturn Returns’. Apparently this is an astrological period when the planet Saturn completes its orbit around the sun. It takes place every 29.5 years (so I guess I’m bang on). It’s a point in time where you feel like your life is crumbling and call everything into question. You’re not who, where or what you wanted to be at this stage in your life. It sounds pretty bleak, but apparently there is good news too.
According to Shannon Kaiser from The Huffington Post, coming face to face with all your fears and doubts actually makes you a stronger person and she provides some pretty great tips on how to get through it.
At least there is a name for what I’m feeling.
I guess the good thing about feeling this way is that it’s driven me into action to make some solid NY resolutions this year and I want to be held accountable so I’m going to share them with you.
NY resolution 2: Stop being my harshest critic. Stop wanting to lose more weight, to slim down, to tone up, to change my appearance. Just be happy in my skin.
NY resolution 3: Budget. I’m a grown up now, it’s time to act like one. ‘Treat Yo Self’ is a cute saying, but in all honestly I do it way too often and it’s irresponsible and unnecessary.
NY resolution 4: Live by the saying ‘what will be will be’. Stop trying to influence situations I have no control over and just let things run their course.
NY resolution 5: Go to a bible study and strengthen my faith.
NY resolution 6: Meditate. I always said I don’t meditate because high intensity cardio is what de-stresses me. Clearly that’s not working, so time to try something new.
NY resolution 7: Be kinder in every way to everyone – friends, colleagues, strangers, even people I don’t particularly like.
NY resolution 8: Blog more. Write, share, explore, explain.
And that’s a wrap. I think 8 resolutions is enough to start the year with. I would love to hear yours. I think just writing this has helped improve my mood and I look outside and the rain has stopped – must be a sign that Saturn Returns is pissing off.
Hold me accountable and I promise to do the same.